Kava yoga

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Following an exchange on FaceBook regarding yoga, a friend suggested I start my own version, called “Kava yoga”. Here are the rules. Please read carefully before attending my classes.

The following are encouraged and will earn brownie points and perhaps a free lesson:

  • Close attention to breathing at all times;
  • Gentle stretch without forcing;
  • Exclaiming “there’s no way I can do that mate”, “you must be kidding”, etc during hard moves; this encourages others who are in the same position as yourself;
  • Injection of humour during laborious long silent sessions;
  • Suggestions for gentle western music to accompany the lessons.

The following will not be tolerated and will result in a fine or even expulsion from the course:

  • Showing off how supple you are to others in the class, before start of session;
  • The use of the word “energy” other than in the context of physics or fuel;
  • The request for burning candles, incense or any other material other than to heat the room;
  • Uttering the tiniest part of a Sanskrit prayer at the start or end of the session, especially if you are a westerner and have no idea what it means;
  • Any reference to any of the seven so-called “chakras”;
  • Any reference to a mysterious yellow glow in any part of your body;
  • Bowing your head with hands in prayer position at the end and saying loudly and sincerely “Namaste”; a thumbs up and “thanks guv” will suffice;
  • Turning to face the sun for the sun salutation move;
  • Any utterance of the non-word “Ommmmm”.

I look forward to seeing you in my classes to be starting soon.

Category: Health

8 comments on “Kava yoga

  1. I would doubt the wisdom of banning any reference to yellow glows, simply for health and safety purposes. A participant could be reaching critical levels of cartoon radioactivity, or have overdosed on ReadyBreak and may be in serious danger.
    • Damn. I knew there was something I missed. 🙁

  2. Brilliant. Where do I sign up?
    • You have to apply Chris. Please send resume with 3 references. I think you would be the perfect candidate. 😉

  3. I’m in. can we go down the pub afterwards?
  4. Hi,

    I am ready to attend – I have stretched, practised my sanskri…oh man – just broken the rules…

    Can i start again?

    No stretch beforehand, and no Sunny D (so no yellow glow)

    Whens the next session?


    • Amil, I am afraid you have broken the rules as you know and in any case the class is full till January. Please reapply then. 🙂

  5. Well what do you know? There is already a kavayoga: